Attachment Style or Generational Programming?
Ever felt like you're stuck in the same relationship loop—no matter how much awareness or healing work you’ve done?
You set better boundaries. You say you’re done with toxic dynamics. But somehow… you're right back in the same emotional spiral.
If that’s you, it’s not just about your attachment style.
It’s about your emotional programming—the beliefs and behaviours you inherited long before you knew they were even shaping you.
In my latest video, I unpack how attachment issues are often rooted in generational conditioning, and more importantly, what you can do to break the cycle.
What We Get Wrong About Attachment Styles
Most of us treat attachment styles like personality traits—like they’re just “how we are.”
But here’s what most people miss:
Your attachment style is a survival response, not your identity.
It was shaped in early childhood, based on how your emotional needs were met (or ignored). It’s not about your first heartbreak—it’s about how your nervous system was wired before you even had language.
This shows up in how you connect, how you pull away, how you argue, and how you love.
The Emotional Programming You Didn’t Sign Up For
Around the 2:00 mark, I break down where these patterns actually start.
You weren’t born thinking:
“I have to earn love.”
“I can’t trust anyone.”
“If I open up, I’ll get hurt.”
Those beliefs were uploaded into you quietly—through repetition, family dynamics, and emotional modelling.
Your parents weren’t villains—they were often just running on their own unhealed scripts. But unless someone in your lineage decided to pause and question those beliefs, the pattern kept repeating.
Not necessarily through trauma. Sometimes just through habits, silence, and emotional neglect that was normalised.
Unexamined Beliefs Run the Show
By 4:00, I get into the silent drivers of our attachment patterns: the beliefs you never consciously chose, but live by anyway.
Stuff like:
“My needs are too much.”
“If I rely on someone, they’ll let me down.”
“I have to be perfect to be loved.”
Even when you know better on a logical level, these beliefs live in your subconscious—and they still steer the wheel.
That’s why you might say you want a secure relationship, but find yourself drawn to people who feel emotionally distant. Because that chaos? It feels familiar. And familiar often feels safe—even when it’s not.
Your Subconscious Doesn’t Care About Your Goals
At 6:00, I get into why insight isn’t enough.
You can say:
“I’m done with avoidant partners.”
“I want something healthy.”
“I’m not repeating this pattern.”
But your subconscious doesn’t work on willpower. It works on familiarity.
Your conscious brain wants to grow. Your subconscious wants to stay safe—and that often means clinging to what you know, even if what you know is dysfunction.
Until you update those scripts, you’ll keep playing the same role in a different relationship.
So How Do You Actually Change It?
Starting around 8:00, I walk through a 5-step process to start rewiring your attachment patterns and break free from emotional autopilot:
1. Notice the Pattern
Pay attention to the emotional reactions that feel bigger than the moment. That’s often old pain surfacing, not present-day reality.
2. Find the Story Beneath It
Most overreactions are being fuelled by a core belief like:
“I’m not enough.”
“They’ll leave me.”
“It’s not safe to trust.”
Name the belief. You can’t shift what you don’t see.
3. Question the Script
Ask yourself:
Is this true—or is this just what I learned to believe?
Interrupting the thought is where the rewiring begins.
4. Reparent Yourself
Give yourself what you didn’t get.
Safety. Space. Validation.
It’s not fluff—it’s actual nervous system repair.
5. Choose Something New
Even just once.
Instead of shutting down, open up.
Instead of chasing, pause.
That’s how you start creating new neural pathways.
Final Thoughts
This isn’t about blaming your parents or overanalysing every relationship.
It’s about recognising where your patterns came from, so you can stop living by rules that were never yours to begin with.
You’re not broken.
You’re just running on outdated programming.
And the good news?
You get to decide what ends with you.
Key Takeaways
Your attachment style is learned, not fixed
Generational patterns shape how we show up emotionally
Most limiting beliefs are subconscious and unchosen
Healing requires repetition, not just insight
Change starts by doing one thing differently—even once
