People Treat You How You Let Them
Here’s How to Change That
If you're constantly over-explaining, over-delivering, and under-valued — this isn’t just a rough patch. It’s a pattern. And it’s costing you your peace.
Let’s not sugarcoat it: people aren’t walking all over you because they’re awful humans. They’re doing it because — whether you realise it or not — you’ve shown them it’s okay. That forced smile, that polite "No worries!" text when you're quietly seething? That’s not grace. That’s self-abandonment dressed up as “nice.”
This blog unpacks what’s really going on:
Why people mistake your kindness for weakness
How people-pleasing wrecks your mental health
And how to set boundaries without turning into a cold, distant version of yourself
You don’t need to harden. You just need to stop shrinking.
“You don’t have to demand respect. Just stop tolerating disrespect.”
Why People-Pleasing Hurts Your Mental Health
People-pleasing might look polite on the outside, but under the surface? It’s usually fear doing the driving.
Fear of being rejected. Fear of being seen as too much. Fear that if you stop being agreeable, you’ll be abandoned.
That fear isn’t harmless. It messes with your nervous system, big time.
Every time you put someone else’s comfort ahead of your own truth, you chip away at your self-worth. You teach yourself that your needs don’t matter — and others learn the same.
People-pleasing can:
Spike your anxiety (because you’re constantly walking on eggshells)
Leave you emotionally drained (from saying yes when you mean hell no)
Build resentment (that simmers until you snap or burn out)
“You weren’t born a people-pleaser. You were taught to survive that way.”
That survival mode might’ve made sense once. But now? It’s keeping you small and stuck in roles you’ve outgrown.
How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt
Let’s get one thing straight: Boundaries don’t make you rude. They make you real.
That guilt you feel? That’s just leftover conditioning from a world that profits off your compliance.
Here’s how to start setting boundaries that don’t leave you spiralling:
1. Set the Tone Early
If someone makes a joke at your expense, that’s a test. Silence = permission.
Try this: “I know you’re trying to be funny, but that didn’t land. Anyway — how’s work going?”
Short. Clear. Redirect.
“Address the first disrespect, and you prevent the tenth.”
2. Use Silence as Power
Not every boundary needs a speech. If someone repeats a pattern you’ve already called out, don’t chase them for understanding. Just step back.
Silence speaks. Let it do the heavy lifting.
3. Say No Like You Mean It
No need to pad it with apologies. Just say:
"That doesn’t work for me."
"I’m not available for that."
"I’ve decided to go in a different direction."
“If they’re upset by your no, it’s not a boundary issue. It’s an entitlement issue.”
Choose Self-Respect Over Approval
Let me ask you this: Are you people-pleasing because you’re kind — or because you’re scared?
Scared of disappointing. Scared of rejection. Scared of being called difficult.
Approval feels good in the moment. But self-respect? That lasts.
“The more you love yourself, the less rubbish you tolerate.”
Start asking:
Am I scared of their reaction or ashamed of my truth?
Do I feel safe, or just useful?
Is this connection real, or just transactional?
You might lose a few people. But you’ll gain clarity, peace, and the space to show up as your full damn self.
“Self-respect is the filter that decides who gets close.”
Self-Assessment: Are You Over-Giving?
Be honest. Rate each statement 1 to 5 (1 = never, 5 = always):
I say yes when I want to say no
I feel guilty after setting a boundary
I explain myself more than I need to
I avoid conflict even when something hurts
I worry people will leave if I speak up
Score Breakdown:
5–10: You’re on the right track — keep backing yourself.
11–17: You’re deep in the peacekeeping zone. Time to shift gears.
18–25: You’re burnt out. This isn’t sustainable. Change starts now.
“If your peace is always the price — that’s not a relationship, it’s a transaction.”
Challenge of the Week: Say No, Just Once
This week’s challenge is simple: Say no to one thing you usually tolerate.
No big speeches. No overthinking. Just a clean, respectful no.
Need ideas?
Let the phone ring. Call back when you’re ready.
Skip that thing you said yes to out of guilt.
Don’t explain why. Just honour your no.
“One boundary won’t change everything. But it will change you.”
Then reflect:
What did I say no to?
How did that feel in my body?
What did their reaction tell me?
Drop it in your journal — or in the YouTube comments. Make it real.
FAQs: Boundaries, People-Pleasing & Emotional Health
-
Start small. Guilt isn’t truth — it’s programming. You’re not being rude. You’re being honest.
-
That’s on them. Respectful people don’t punish you for protecting your peace.
-
Yep. Often it comes from environments where love or safety was conditional.
-
Possibly. But if someone leaves because you stopped over-giving, they were never really there for you.
-
Catch it, pause, say less. Try: "That doesn’t work for me."
It Starts With You
If you want people to treat you better, stop waiting. Start treating yourself better first.
You don’t need to raise your voice. You need to raise your standards.
Your peace. Your time. Your energy — They’re not up for negotiation anymore.
