You’re Not 'Nice'—You’re Scared
Why People-Pleasing Is Silently Destroying Your Life
Think you're just a naturally helpful, agreeable person? Think again. People-pleasing isn’t kindness—it’s fear wrapped in a pretty package. It feels safe. It feels familiar. But deep down, it’s slowly eating away at your peace, identity, and energy. And it's time to face why.
By watching this video, you'll learn how to identify and break free from people-pleasing patterns, set healthy boundaries, and prioritise your mental health without guilt.
“Every ‘yes’ you say to others is a potential ‘no’ to yourself.”
What’s your biggest challenge when it comes to setting boundaries? Share your thoughts in the comments section of the video. Let's support each other in this journey.
Understanding People-Pleasing Behaviour and Its Impact on Mental Health
You've probably heard of fight, flight, or freeze—but there's a fourth trauma response nobody talks about: fawning. This is the "keep everyone happy so I don’t get hurt" survival strategy. Sound familiar? It looks like:
Saying "yes" when your gut screams "no."
Nodding along to avoid confrontation.
Laughing at jokes that aren't funny—just to keep the peace.
Fawning isn't genuine kindness—it's anxiety in action. You're not helping out of love; you're helping because the alternative feels dangerous: rejection, conflict, abandonment. This is learned behaviour, rooted in fear, and it’s quietly controlling your life.
“You’re not avoiding drama. You’re absorbing it.”
The Hidden Costs of People-Pleasing: Mental Health, Anxiety and Exhaustion
People-pleasing isn't free—it costs your mental health, emotional stability, and self-worth. Every forced "yes" chips away at your self-trust. Every boundary ignored amplifies resentment, anxiety, and guilt. You’re absorbing drama, not avoiding it.
Eventually, you become invisible—even to yourself. The relationships you attract don't love the real you, just the compliant version you've carefully performed. Exhausting, right?
“Setting boundaries is a powerful form of self-care.”
How to Set Healthy Boundaries and Prioritise Self-Care
Ready for some tough love? You have to get comfortable disappointing people. Here's how you start:
Set Boundaries Early: Stop waiting until you're at breaking point. A calm, clear "no" today can save you from a meltdown tomorrow.
Skip the TED Talk: Saying "no" doesn’t need justification. Practise short, firm responses: "No, thank you," or "I can't right now."
Prioritise Your Respect Over Approval: Feeling guilty after setting boundaries isn't a sign you're wrong—it’s proof you're breaking free from old conditioning. Feel the discomfort. Let it burn off.
The real power? Knowing you've got your own back. Every. Single. Time.
Your New Compass: Self-Respect Over People-Pleasing
Forget being liked by everyone. Aim for being able to look yourself in the mirror and respect the version of you staring back. Ask yourself: "Did I honour myself today?" Not, "Did everyone like me?"
So, what's the one thing you've been saying "yes" to that desperately needs a "no"? Be honest. Name it. And let today be the day you finally take your power back.
Feeling seen? That’s just the beginning. Watch the full video here to uncover the hidden costs of people-pleasing and learn actionable steps to reclaim your peace and authenticity. Your journey to self-respect starts now.
The Prevalence of People-Pleasing Behaviours
A 2010 study found that 54% of women and 40% of men experience significant mental and physical health issues due to people-pleasing behaviours.
People-pleasing is often linked to codependency, which is common in individuals with low self-esteem and difficulty setting boundaries.
Self-Assessment: Are You a People-Pleaser?
Rate yourself from 1 (Never) to 5 (Always) on the following statements:
I agree to requests even when I'm overwhelmed.
I avoid conflict at all costs.
I feel anxious when someone is upset with me.
I prioritise others' needs over my own consistently.
I feel guilty when I say "no."
Total Score:
5–10: You're maintaining healthy boundaries.
11–15: Be mindful of your tendencies to please others.
16–25: It's time to address your people-pleasing habits.
Weekly Challenge: Break the Habit
This week, say “no” to one request that doesn't align with your priorities. Reflect on how it felt and what you learned from the experience. Share your insights in the comments of the video.
FAQs: Boundaries, Anxiety and Self-Care
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Genuine kindness feels good and energising. People-pleasing, on the other hand, leaves you drained, anxious, or resentful because it's driven by fear rather than genuine care.
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You feel guilty because you've been conditioned to associate saying "no" with rejection or conflict. This guilt is simply your brain reacting to breaking an old, unhealthy pattern.
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Start small. Practice saying simple, firm "no" responses without over-explaining yourself. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but it gets easier with time.
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Expect some initial discomfort or pushback. Remind yourself it's not your responsibility to manage others' reactions—your only job is to honour your own limits and boundaries.
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Absolutely. Constantly ignoring your own needs builds resentment and prevents genuine connection. Healthy relationships require authenticity, clear communication, and mutual respect—not constant self-sacrifice.
Your peace. Your time. Your energy—They’re not up for negotiation anymore.
Watch the video, take the challenge, and start showing up for yourself.
